How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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