i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
