Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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