just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
