Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Say something about gay babies.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
