A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
