the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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