oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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