Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize