The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
