cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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