I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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