Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
