dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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