Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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