i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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