Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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