I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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