when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.