Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar