You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff