after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.