god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guess who came home with a hottie last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.