I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich