bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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