Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
