i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
