What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
