Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
