There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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