ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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