the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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