In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think i have herpe
just one?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
