i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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