And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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