why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
