OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
