how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
