whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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