never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
