Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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