I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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