we have officially lost it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
