PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I looked at my own cervix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
