you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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