Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
