i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My vagina just recognized that song.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize