So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
