haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
