Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We're too hungover to prance.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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