More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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