I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
