why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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