I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
