he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
