Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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