my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
