Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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