Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
