remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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