i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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