I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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