saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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