I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
