so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Couch. On fire.