The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
