I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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