Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
