"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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