My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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