respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
