he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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