I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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