No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
