every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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