Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
