I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize