You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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