Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drive I can fine osifer
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
