I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
